Up! (1976)

Along with Russ Meyer's huge-breasted, uninhibited women, rapid-fire editing, glorious colour and off-the-wall dialogue, the plotline of Up! veers towards the totally insane as the film winds up. Well, this little gem of sex cinema is no less a classic because of it. In addition you've got gore and ultraviolence that would make Tom Savini proud in a couple of scenes, along with some Shakespeare. Honestly, what more could you want in a film?

In some kind of Bavarian-style castle in a redwood-forested part of America, skinny Hitler-lookalike Adolf Schwartz (Edward Schaaf) is being sexually serviced in his torture dungeon by various people. Principally among them is Paul (Robert McLane), a young bearded man in an American Puritan outfit. Paul whips the ecstatic Schwartz, while he smothers his face in the huge breasts of the leather-masked Headperson (Candy Samples). Then, the equally buxotic Ethiopean Chef (Elaine Collins) gives him a good spanking. Finally, the oriental Limehose (Su Ling) has her nether-regions stimulated by Schwartz while Paul flogs him. It's not over though. Schwartz offers Paul a wad of money to stay and pleasure him in the way that only a man can. Paul seems to hate doing it but can't turn away from the cash.

Later, Schwartz takes a bath in his plush quarters, to the strains of a Nazi anthem. Suddenly an unseen black-clad intruder breaks in and drops a piranha - called Harry the Nimrod - into the water. Schwartz is promptly dispatched by the voracious fish. One of Russ's main stars, Kitten Natividad, shows up nude in the forest and as 'The Greek Chorus', invites us to solve the case of the murdered Nazi. She speaks in Shakespearean sentences, and we see all the top contenders. We meet the gorgeous 'Sweet Li'l Alice' (Janet Wood) who is being pleasured via strap-on dildo by the black truck drivin' woman Gwendoline (Linda Sue Ragsdale) in the woods.

We also meet Margo Winchester (Raven De La Croix), one of Russ's iconic brunette starlets. As the huge-breasted woman goes jogging in the forest, she has to rebuff two male motorists. One, sheriff Homer Johnson (Monty Bane), is annoyed but drives off. The other, a town thug, manages to get her into his truck and attempts to rape her. Knocking Margo unconscious in a stream, the redneck does indeed strip her naked and rape the stunned woman. She awakens during the act and promptly karate chops him in the neck. Instant death. Things go from bad to worse as Homer has seen it all. Perhaps luckily for Margo, Homer decides to fabricate a story about how the guy fell to his death during the attack. Margo decides to reward the sleazy cop with endless bouts of sex.

Homer convinces Sweet L'il Alice and we discover, husband Paul to employ Margo in her diner. Margo attracts so many sex-starved male customers they have to open Alice's cafe and restaurant II. Homer pulls up the Chesty Young Thing (Marianne Marks) for speeding but she gives him a head job and he lets her go. Paul and Alice have wild sex in the forest, and eventually Paul and Margo have sex out there as well. The Greek Chorus tells us all about their exuberant fornications. Meanwhile Homer has sex with a feather-bonneted 'Pocohontas', (Foxy Lae) and they electrocute each other during their thrashings as she grabs a light bulb! Pocohontas flees as Margo returns.

Things start out well with the opening night of Alice's restaurant II. They have more customers than ever. Then the giant, aggressive Rafe (Bob Schott) shows up, with his ever-present axe. As Margo does a seductive dance on the bar, Rafe gets more and more agitated and bellows for beer. Knowing the trouble Rafe can cause, Paul gets Alice to call the police, that is, Homer. Alice trots out to a phonebooth in the middle of nowhere - a funny visual conceit - while Paul tries to keep things calm. It's too late though. Rafe goes berserk, knocks Paul unconscious and rapes the screaming, naked Margo. Alice tries to stop as the crows cheers Rafe on - including Russ in the crowd - but ends up stripped, thrown on top of Margot and raped herself. To cap this jaw-droppingly tasteless rape-as-comedy scene off, Homer turns up (to the sounds of calvary bugles and horse-hooves) and attacks Rafe with an axe in the back. The man-monster pulls the axe out, crashes it through Homer's chest and carries off the two screaming women into the night. Homer's not dead, though! Rallying to save his lover, he takes a chainsaw off the wall, chases Rafe and after chainsawing him bloodily through the chest in a scene to rival any Evil Dead film, plunges off a cliff with the hulking rapist.

There's still more film to go, folks! Recovering in the shower from the attack, Margo is then chased out of her house by the black-clad assassin from the start of the film. It's Sweet L'il Alice! Insane from jealousy by both Adolf Schwartz and Margo screwing her husband, she chases Margo into the forest. She strips naked herself, wanting to show herself off as the superwoman she believes she is. More revelations follow as Alice chases Margo with a knife - then as things couldn't get any stranger, the naked Paul shows up ...

I can barely begin to describe to you the visual and aural feast that unfolds before our eyes. It's not just the voluptuous, writhing naked bodies on display, and boy, there's a lot of that. Basically every second scene is an uninhibited sex-fest. Though not as big-breasted as her co-stars, Janet Wood as Alice takes the cake as the sexiest Vixen in Up!, just through that twinkle in her eyes and that perfectly honed body. Raven De La Croix as Margo is stunning also, with an amazing body and even a Mae West accent on and off. No, you just have to see this film to believe it - the final scenes are staggering in their bizarre imagination. Meyer has a major Nazi fetish, that's for sure. You get the feeling Meyer said 'to Hell with it' to himself, and just indulged anything he wanted to throw into the film. The dubbed faux-Shakespeare dialogue uttered by Kitten Natividad is mind-bogglingly 'Meyeran'. Of course, the movie is superbly made as usual, with the director quick-cutting between so many characters, sexual liaisons and irrelevant objects - a bottle opener, for God's sake - that your head will spin.

Leave your pre-conceived notions of plot and taste at the door and enjoy the wunderbar pleasures of Up! It's Russ Meyer at his most delerious, sexual and frenetic, and not easily forgotten.

© Boris "The Nimrod" Lugosi, 2006.

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Review written: 06/05/2006 22:26:11